We know that adolescence can be an awkward and painful time - a time where we change on every level - physically, emotionally, mentally, and hormonally - and we are not the same person on the other side.

But what if I told you that the transition into motherhood can be thought of in the same way, and we even have a word for it.

The concept of matrescence gives us a framework to see the transition into motherhood as every bit as awkward, painful, and profound as adolescence, and allows us to reclaim and celebrate this shift in identity.

Matrescence was first used by anthropologist and breastfeeding advocate, Dana Louise Raphael.

“The critical transition period which has been missed is matrescence, the time of mother-becoming…giving birth does not automatically make a mother out of a woman…the amount of time it takes to become a mother needs study.”

— Dana Raphael, 'Matrescence, becoming a mother, a ‘new/old’ rite de passage' (1975)

Dana Raphael recognised that birthing a mother may not happen instantaneously when her baby is born. The birth of a mother is a process which takes time to develop and is perpetually evolving. In fact, a mother is reborn many times over - as she has more children, and as her children grow and go through their own stages of development. The mother of a newborn is not the same mother as when her child is a teenager.

We may be our children’s first teachers;
however, our children are our best teachers.

Recently this term has been revived and expanded by Aurelie Athan, clinical psychologist and faculty member at Columbia University, as a ‘developmental passage where a woman transitions through pre-conception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond’.

Since the birth of humankind, mothers have organically passed their stories and wisdom on to new mothers. This eases the transition into motherhood, because the new mother feels ‘held’ by the wisdom of those around her, and is encouraged to listen to her own wisdom.

Reclaiming matrescence is about centering the mother!

Giving a new mother space to consider her own transition can seem odd and uncomfortable because we are conditioned to put our own needs to the side. A new mother doesn’t receive the same compassion, understanding, and support on her journey into motherhood as an adolescent does on their journey to adulthood.

Matrescence is something that needs to be acknowledged, appreciated, and nurtured throughout a woman’s entire life as a mother, and then as a grandmother.

We are always learning as a mother, the mother of a newborn and a toddler mothers differently to the mother of an adolescent and adult child and I invite you to reflect carefully, and be kind to yourself, as you grow into each transitional phase in your motherhood journey.

Being a mother is a dynamic experience, an opportunity for growth and happiness. It changes every single part of our being in a purposeful way.

By Keturah Stoltenberg

Matrescence

We may be our children’s first teachers; however, our children are our best teachers.

We may be our children’s first teachers;
however, our children are our best teachers.